Advice on Dating: my 2 cents worth

Yes, you can date and be happy. One can date and not kill oneself, harm innocent animals, consume excessive amounts of alcohol or drugs just to get through the day, write long, tortured blog entries no one will ever read, or make your friends put up with endless bitching and moaning on your part for weeks on end without end in sight. Dating can work.

First ask yourself if you're really ready to date. I should point out that this is often different than asking if you're horny and want to get laid. Are there sufficient reasons for someone to spend time with you on a regular basis? Are you worth dating? Take a long hard look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. If the answer is "no" (or a close facsimile thereof) fix what's wrong before inflicting yourself upon others. Brush your teeth, wear flattering clothes, having something interesting to say, leave your twisted, dysfunctional baggage at home, actively listen to the person you're with and engage in a genuine human exchange.

Not everyone you date will work out. Sometimes you'll say "no thanks", sometimes they'll pass. Not everyone you date is destined to be your soul mate for life. Sometimes both parties are simply enjoying a little one-on-one time with someone else. Marriage til death do you part is not the primary goal of each and every date. Sometimes we're window shopping, not making a purchase. Either way, there's always the return counter.

If you're not being honest, why should you expect the other person to be? Lying is wrong. Misrepresentation, online and otherwise, is lying. If you don't know what HWP means, Google it. Once you meet face-to-face your lies will be immediately evident. And believe you me, there's no second chance to make a first impression. This goes double for STD's, kids, wacko ex's, family members from hell, and all manner of psychiatric conditions. It all comes out eventually. Don't present a laundry list on the first date but cop to what's yours and ask the same in return. Get it outta the way and get on with gettin' on.

Guys: women 10+ years your junior probably aren't going to line up outside your front door, especicially thin, attractive, non-psycho younger babes. They will in your nocturnal fantasies but in the light of day the odds are against you. Just a thought. I'm sure one of Mary Palmer's five daughters is the (young) girl of your dreams.

Know what you're looking for otherwise you run the risk of not recognizing it when you find it. If you're a shallow, gold digging *sshole looking for eye candy and an easy lay, by all means be upfront about it. For every hand there's a glove. Look hard enough and you find what you're looking for (and get what you deserve). Ask yourself some honest questions to define and refine your vision of what's right for you.

The laws of karma are not suspended in the dating world. Many times the lessons of cause and effect are brought into painfully stark focus in the dating arena. Don't be surprised when your past comes back to haunt you. (Hint: the payback cycle can be brutally short too.) So play nice and people will play nice with you.

Booty calls, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, call them what you will. If it's sex you're looking for, it's often relatively easy to find. Be upfront about what you want, be honest in all your transactions, and practice safe sex at all times. No excuse, no exceptions. Sometimes relieving carnal pressure with a quick romp in the sack restores one's balance enough to function without sexual frustration fogging things up. Get laid and get on with your life. Sex and love are two different things; beware of confusing the two. If you need to have sex, find a partner and do so with my blessing.

Pssst... If you're looking for someone who thinks like you, feels like you, verbalizes like you, smells like you, and dresses like you, well, you're probably gay. Nothing wrong with that just own up to it. Otherwise acknowledge and wallow in the fact that men and women are fundamentally different. Always have been, always will be. It's supposed to be that way. If you're not comfortable with that, seek out members of your own gender. And no, I ain't homophobic. Au contraire. Guys accept pink, fashion, cycles, and emotions. Gals the rough edge is part of masculinity, we're not one of your gal pals and you shouldn't want us to be, and it isn't fair to make us apologize for being men.

Love each other. Sex is good. The more you do it, the more you do it. It's the most fun you can have without laughing. It is healthy and it keeps us healthy. Give it your best. Don't withhold it as punishment or as a means of control. Manipulative sex is just manipulation. Don't do it.